A Birth Control Shot for Men

I’ve been waiting for the day when some drug company would introduce a new birth control method for men. We’re not there yet but this day is getting closer with a Chinese study designed to test the effectiveness of a new formula birth control shot for guys.

I thought this was pretty exciting stuff so I did a bit of research into this development, a summary of which was published in this month’s edition of Unscripted. Here’s an excerpt:

In a recent study, 1,045 Chinese men between 20 and 45 years of age were given testosterone injections for over two years. All these men had fathered a child within the last two years and their partners did not report any fertility problems. Yet these shots where able to prevent pregnancy 99% of the time, coming close to the success rate of female hormonal contraceptives.

It been know for years that testosterone shots suppress sperm production but in most previous studies men were subjected to weekly shots instead of the monthly shot given to the men in the Chinese study. Previously researchers and marketers had doubted that men would sign up for a weekly shot so the testosterone shot never really got traction as a viable method for male birth control. And, even though the men taking these shots reported very few side effects (acne and higher sex drive are two), there remains some concern about the long-term effects of testosterone on the prostrate gland and heart, and on the behavioral effects of testosterone.

The main benefit of the testosterone shot is, like the birth control pill for women, this method is reversible. So for those guys who want to take responsibility for their own reproductive lives but aren’t ready to be snipped, this could prove to be the answer.

The question is: Are there enough men out there ready and willing to take a monthly shot?

You tell me…

Flickr photo by stevendepolo (cc)

Looking for the “No Children Guy”

Niaris emailed me from Puerto Rico to share her story. She apologized for her poor english but in fact it was very good—she communicated very genuinely what many women, and men, go through when they tell their partners they don’t want kids, either they are not believed or their partner believes things will change over time. I’ve heard too many stories like hers to believe that you can change someone’s mind on a commitment as huge as parenthood. It rarely works. Here’s a bit of what she had to say:

When I was little girl I dreamt of having a family, but as I grew older that changed. When I looked around me I saw that the responsibility of the children falls to the mother. I think it is not fair to women—it should be an equal responsibility.

My first marriage ended because I did not want any children, although I made it clear from the beginning. He thought he could change my mind.

As I was getting back to dating, one of the characteristics I was looking for was a ‘no children guy.’ I found him. We got married two years ago.

Niaris still gets the “When are you having a baby?” question, and she weathers the reaction “the look on their face when you say ‘never.’ But that does not bother me. My choice is to live without children. I do not hate children; I just don't want the responsibility.”

Niaris brought up a point I think is important. Though many of the men and the women I interviewed weighed the responsibility of parenthood in the course of their decision making, the women did make the assumption that the bulk of the childcare tasks would fall to them, whether they were working full-time or not. I’ve often wondered if this imbalance of responsibility is one of the reasons why these women resist motherhood. What do you think?

Flickr photo by Ruth L (cc)

Two Is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choice is Available to Pre-Order!

Finally, the book created out of the Childless by Choice Project is now available as a pre-order on Amazon.com.

If you pre-order on Amazon.com you can save 32 percent off the cover price and the book will automatically be shipped to you as soon as it hits the warehouse.

Just click on the link above or search “Two is Enough Childless by Choice” on amazon.com and pre-order the book and get it for only US$11.53.

This is the terrific discount for a new release, so take advantage!

Is Divorce Different for the Childless?

Despite the fact that studies, including the Childless by Choice Project study, show that childfree couples are motivated to remain without children because of marital satisfaction, the risk of divorce is still present. In fact, childfree couples are just as likely to divorce as are couples with children. Divorce is never easy—with kids or without them—but an article titled Modern Marriage Risks Amplified by Children recently published in Unscripted suggests that the divorce may be much less problematic if the couple has remained childless.

The article’s author, J. Bushnell pointed out that: “nonparent couples don’t have to stick out a bad or abusive relationship for fear of supporting a household or raising children alone. Unlike parents, childfree couples don’t have to worry about how a divorce will impact children; instead, they can split their assets 50/50, move on, and even move away, without concerns about taking a child away from its school district or nonresidential parent.”

Bushnell also pointed out that the risks of divorce are much higher for women than for men if they have children. “As 80% of children live with their mother following a divorce, perhaps women should seriously consider before starting a family whether they are equipped to parent alone one day if their marriage fails. Because single motherhood is clearly a very strong possibility.”

Imagine a drive-through wedding chapel in Las Vegas and the Elvis impersonator/ordained minister who is about to marry you asks “You have a fifty-fifty chance of ending up as single mother, are you still going to say ‘I do’ and have kids with this guy?”

Flickr photo by madmolecule (cc)

The Childfree In India

Recently I was interviewed by a reporter who was researching an article about the childfree for The Sunday Indian, a national magazine out of New Delhi.

The resulting article, written by Anu Gulmohar, was published on Mother’s Day, and cited the Childless by Choice Project study and another study of eighteen and older childless persons in India. Turns out urban childless Indians feel pretty much the same way as North Americans in their perceptions of parenthood. The majority (73 percent) of Indians surveyed felt “that having children will curtail their freedom” and 87 percent felt children were “a full-time job.”

Like many North Americans, these childless Indians felt pressured to procreate and they felt that the “the biggest motivator for having kids is not their desire to experience parenthood (12%), or the sheer love for children (10%), but the pressure applied by their society and families!!”

Another assumption that appears to have gone global is the perception of selfishness. A childfree man who was quoted in this article had this to say:

“Tell me one thing that is selfless about wanting to have children,” retorts P Srivastava. “Is there any altruistic sentiment behind it? I feel none. Everything that causes one to procreate is selfish in nature. You want to create your own flesh and blood, you want someone to look after you, you want happiness for your family, you want happiness for yourself. Is not all this selfish?”

Having heard a version of this from my interviews with the childless by choice, I could empathize with this man. Some people do equate parenthood with happiness and they want that for themselves. However, the Indian survey respondents were willing to wait for parenthood, they were choosing to postpone parenthood far beyond the age their parents likely had the first child. The average age at which these young adults saw themselves having children was thirty.

Flickr photo by premasagar (cc)

Fur-Kids

Many childless by choice adults embrace their pets as part of the family. Whether you call them fido or fluffy, these pets can seem like child substitutes, adding a lot of love.

It's true your pet will never grow up and take care of you when you get old. In fact, you can count on the fact that you will outlive them, barring great misfortune on your part. Their lives are so brief, and they give so much, even if you don't always have time for them.

I recently lost my beloved cat Vladimir. He was with me for 19 years, spanning half my life, thus far. The better half I might add. I was careful who I told about my grief. I learned from a grief therapist that a new loss can open up all the old ones, and my mourning of this cat's passing ran pretty deep. It actually made me wonder if he didn't really fill the "missing child" niche for me. It made me doubt my choice, for a moment.

Cats and children really do not compare. Cats are way easier. I don't think it is a good idea to have children so they can take care of you when you get older, but I have to admit the possibility that they might is rather appealing. One of the nicest things a friend said to me was, "you are a such a positive, warm person Teri, you will always have people around who will help you."

That's a nice sentiment too. I am hanging on to that thought.

Now we're thinking about getting a dog. Hey, it's a big step for a CF couple.

Why Have Kids?

I was forwarded a link to a fascinating blog post titled “Does Having Kids Ruin Your Life?”

It was written by a 31 year-old childless woman writing under the name kryptogal who was admittedly “indifferent” about children.

One of her major issues around having a child is best summed up in the following quote:

Here’s the way I see it: having a child is like having an arranged marriage with a person you won’t meet until your wedding day. And then you can never get divorced. Your spouse could be tall or short, kind or mean, mentally or physically disabled, funny or humorless, ugly or pretty, lazy or energetic, smart or dull – you won’t know until it’s too late. And you will be 100% responsible for your spouse’s emotional, physical, intellectual, and financial well-being for the rest of your life. If your spouse has problems – say, he/she is an alcoholic or autistic – you will be blamed. You will worry about your spouse and feel guilty about your spouse without cease.

Who in their right mind would sign up for a marriage like that? NO ONE!! Yet that’s exactly what you sign up for when you have a child. You don’t know who your child will be until it’s too late. And you can never, ever, ever un-do it.

So why do 9 out of 10 people seem so gung-ho about this?? Can anyone give me some answers?

Many people did respond to her request for answers. Most were parents and their comments make interesting reading, providing a glimpse into how a parent might respond if asked, “Why have kids?”