Is making the Choice to Remain Childless the "New Path" to Happiness for Women?

Is making the Choice to Remain Childless the "New Path" to Happiness for Women?
Psychology Today contributor Dr. Noam Shpancer expertly explores this question in a recent blog post citing some important research including the research I conducted ahead of writing Two Is Enough: A Couple's Guide to Living Childless by Choice.

Dr. Shpancer wonders why the childfree are labelled "selfish" when "people often choose to have children because they think this will make them feel better about their lives, provide added meaning, confirm their social status as successful adults, and provide aid and comfort in the long term. As a rule, parents don’t have the number of children that is optimal for the country or the world; they have the number they consider optimal for themselves. It’s a fundamentally selfish choice."

He also tackles the "What happens when you get old?" question by reminding us of the harsh realities of growing old with kids: "Having children is not foolproof insurance against the vicissitudes of old age. Sometimes children remain dependent on the parents throughout life. Other times they become disengaged or alienated from parents; they may refuse, or be otherwise unable to, assume the caregiving burden. Moreover, the money, time, and energy spent on raising children may be used instead to acquire sufficient wealth to allow one to purchase competent help in old age."

It now costs around $240,000 to raise a child to eighteen in a middle income household in the U.S. and that doesn't include college costs. If you instead invested that amount over an 18-year term and realized a modest 6% return you would have $685,000 to spend on end-of-life care.

Do parents-to-be make this calculation before having kids. Most don't, particularly those who view the experience of parenthood as "priceless!" Those of us who happily and intentionally forgo the parenthood experience have the time and resources for other "priceless" experiences. They just need to figure out what makes them happiest and get on with it!

Melinda Gates wants 200 million women to have access to the contraceptives they need

Rachel, I woman I interviewed for Two is Enough: A Couple's Guide to Living Childless by Choice reached out to me and alerted me to the fact that the November issue of National Geographic magazine has an interview with Bill and Melinda Gates about their philanthropic endeavors. "I saw this quote from Melinda and thought of you":

"Family planning is crucial anywhere, in any community around the world,
because if a woman can decide if and when to have a child, she's going to behealthier and her child is going to be healthier. That's one of thelongest-standing pieces of research we have."
Then when asked what one thing she would fix if she could (poverty,malnutrition, education, HIV, etc.), Melinda said:
"So if I could wave a magic wand, 200 million women who are asking us forcontraceptives today would have them."


Rachel added, "I love that she said "IF and when to have a child" and that this is her #1 concern!" I love that too! I think we are finally moving away from the assumption that all women will choose to have children just because they can. The research mentioned by Melinda Gates confirms that health outcomes improve for both women and children when women are in control of the number and timing of births. If you would like to read more about the work of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, click here for the full article.

A Caribbean Cruise with your Childfree friends! Group Deal extended until April 30!

We've been talking about it. Now it's finally happening! 

A Caribbean Cruise with your Childfree friends! Join us on Dec 5-12, 2015 for a cruise with Laura Scott and other Childfree authors on the stunning Italian cruise ship MSC Divina sailing from Miami, Florida! Register with your $100 deposit before April 30/15 to get this 7 day Caribbean cruise starting at only $349.00 per person, featuring exclusively childfree excursions and a day on Stirrup Cay, a private island. for more information email:nokidcruise@gmail.com. Mention, "LAURA SCOTT sent me for info on this great deal!". It's just 100.00 per person deposit to hold your cabin on this cruise! ALL deposits are FULLY REFUNDABLE 80 days from cruising. Looking forward to sailing with you! Laura

Childfree Women will be at the Forefront of a Creative, Cultural Renaissance, says Futurist

Faith Popcorn, a New York –based Futurist Marketing expert and author, says the SHEvolution is coming and childfree women will be taking the lead, redefining family, exploiting their gifts, following their passions. Here is an excerpt of her Huffington Post article:

With more opportunities in education and careers, women are eschewing traditional family structures. The old "college, marriage, home-ownership, then parenthood" sequence has been shaken up, turned upside-down, and transformed. We are customizing our own life timelines to do what satisfies us at a particular moment. 

Women are opting to have kids later: The number of children born to women 35+ has increased 150 percent, and egg-freezing is up 28 percent. Soon, egg-freezing will be a commonplace graduation gift for young women starting their careers.

Many of us are choosing not to have kids at all. The number of women between age 40 and 44 who remain childless has doubled in a generation. In 1976, it was one out of 10; by 2006, it was one in five. More and more women will decide that children are not for them. 
We call this group Childfree by Choice or CxC. These females shatter the stereotype that not having kids is sad, shameful or pitiable. Because they are free to spend more time focusing on their own goals, CxC women will be at the forefront of a cultural creative renaissance, starting more companies, leading more social initiatives, creating newer and better solutions. They are becoming the envied class.

When my book Two is Enough was published in 2009, there was still significant stigma associated with childlessness, chosen or otherwise. However as more women delay or forgo parenthood, they will be increasingly be recognized for their contributions outside of the role of mother.

In recent years, Female entrepreneurs drove the economic recovery here in the U.S. as they started new companies and grew existing ones. They continue to be in control of the “purse strings,” but now the purse has turned into a portfolio. Women under age 30 earn, on average, more than their male peers in the U.S. A. and they are savvy investors.

They bought homes, got degrees, and were voted into office. They retired then began again, in an “encore” career (some of them as volunteers) making a difference in their communities and ensuring their legacy as women leaders, business people, professionals, educators, philanthropists, humanitarians and humans BEing.

As I always say, in reference to the demographic we call the childfree by choice, “this is a trend, not an aberration. This is not a ripple, this is a wave; a cultural tsunami.

Are you going to going to nod and take notes or are you going to get on your board and surf this?!

Parents Supporting Their Childfree Children

I have been very fortunate in the fact that both my parents have always supported my choice to remain childfree. This is not always the case for childfree folks, as I documented in my book Two is Enough and the documentary film The Childless by Choice Project. Some parents do put a lot of pressure on their children to produce the grandchildren. Other parents just can't understand why.

I had a really happy childhood, with a Mom and Dad who were excellent role models for Parenthood. Yet I chose to remain childless by choice, not because I didn't know how to parent but because I didn't think parenthood was a good role for me.

I can't tell you how many times people have told me, "Oh, you would be such a great mom!" And maybe I would be but I am convinced that had I been a mother I would have experienced many  unhappy and frustrating days wondering why I had chosen this path when other paths seemed so much more appealing and natural for me.

This is why I was glad to see Barbara Walters, one of the hosts of  the current events show The View defend her daughter's decision to remain childless.  As a career television journalist, Barbara Walters knows more than most women how difficult it can be to navigate motherhood and career and clearly she is very proud of her daughter, saying that she's very caring and loving, particularly to old people like herself.
 
One of the other women on the panel already had a child but was planning for more and couldn't wait for the opportunity to breast-feed a baby. You could tell by the faces of the other women on the panel that breast-feeding an infant was definitely not something they were wishing for as they lay their head on their pillow at night. And this is why The View's panel of five women works so well and why we tune in. These five women are a diverse group from all walks of life and they have a variety of experiences and opinions about issues that concern us all.  Yet they can agree that parenthood is not for everybody and recognize that although they would happily choose parenthood for themselves they can understand why some women and men may not want what they want.

If these five women of The View wanted the same things, believed the same things, and held the same opinions  we wouldn't be watching the show.  
 
Lucky for us, and lucky for the networks who profit from these shows, we respectfully disagree!

I Don’t Want Children. Am I a Freak?

This great blog post from Gala has been making the rounds on the Two Is Enough and Childless by Choice Project facebook pages and has been so well received that I felt compelled to share it with you, my dear blog readers, as I am certain there is something here that you can totally identify with!

Pour yourself a cup of tea, a cola, or a glass of wine and be prepared for some adult spit up as you laugh out loud.

Flickr photo by Dr Case