A Parent’s Perspective

Most of the emails I get through the Childless by Choice Project website are from childfree by choice folks or those who are still undecided but occasionally I will get a email from a parent. One such email from a woman named Stella really struck me as wise and true and so I asked her if I could share a bit of it with you. Here is what she wrote:

I stumbled by your site and I just wanted to let you know that I was so pleased that there are people out there who can promote positive values regarding parenting. It is right that parenting is not and should not be regarded as an obligation. I have two children even though I had planned never to have any children by myself. I never loved children nor did I hate them but my husband urged me to do so because he could not envisage a marriage without children and he also had to prove to his friends that he is man enough as per our African culture. Now I am divorced and I have them all to myself.

I love them deeply and now I can not imagine what my life would be without them. On the other hand, if my reality was that I did not have children, I would also chart a different course for it based on my circumstances. Bottom line is that if one has strong values about being true to themselves, they need to stand by the choice they make. Those who choose to become parents should devote themselves to the task while those who choose not to should also be understood.

Flickr Photo by mrhayata (cc)